Slamdunk
by Megapode
Summary: A several part epic drama featuring the adventures of N, Ghetsis & co as they discover what is truly important in life, basketball and ultimately, themselves.
1. Chapter 1

Hairless, bony hands traced the lettering permanently inscribed on the rough surface by the magic power of Sharpie. Ghetsis sighed as his mind drifted back to the glory days, the days spent jostling amongst the damp bodies of tall, dark strangers in a frenzied attempt to grab balls. A day when the whole world knew his name. _Harmonia._

Those countless hours spent in his room, perfecting his signature, all for nothing. Who knew his name now? Ha. _When I become the undisupted ruler of the universe, _he told himself, _everyone will want my autograph. _He tried to believe it.

A bold knocking at the bedroom door snapped Ghetsis back to reality. He kicked a pile of used clothes underneath the bed, in an attempt to make the room more presentable, before sitting back down on the comfy duvet.

N, his sexy, sexy son, strode through the door. His cheeks were puffed out indignantly, and his hands placed firmly on his slender hips.

"Ghetsis, why did you take my basketball? You're terrible at sports and you should feel bad because of it," he said.

"That's a very hurtful thing to say, N," Ghetsis replied.

N flopped down onto the bed beside his father, fiddling with his bracelets so's not to meet his gaze. "I'm sorry, Ghetsis," he said, without looking up. "I don't know what came over me. I'm just so full of angst today."

Ghetsis put his arm around N's shoulders in what he thought was a fatherly way. "You know what will make you feel better, right?"

"Touching myself?"

"No - well, yes, but I was going to say basketball."

N gasped, and his eyes widened with shock. "Basketball! The forbidden game!" he hissed.

The fingers on N's shoulder began to caress him. N stared at them pointedly, but Ghetsis didn't take the hint.

"Yes, the forbidden game," Ghetsis whispered soothingly. "The secret has been passed down the Harmonia family for centuries. The time has finally come, N, for me to teach you how to play."

"But I already know how to play. Besides, you're not allowed to undertake any strenuous activities on account of your back problems." N plucked the basketball of of Ghetsis's unresisting hand. It was slightly sticky. "Thanks anyway though." He trotted out of the room, bouncing the ball as he went.

Ghetsis laid back and tried to drown his sorrows in another bottle of wine.


	2. Chapter 2

N tied his hair back with a banana-print bandanna in preparation for the up-coming marathon basketball match against Zorua. N liked to play basketball against Zorua, because Zorua could neither hold the ball nor reach the hoop to score with it. Zorua didn't mind, because N was a bad loser and could throw a mean tantrum when the mood took him.

He was just taking of his shirt - the best way to play basketball was half naked, after all - when one of the shadow triad appeared as if from nothing, eating a corn dog. He greeted N with a fist bump.

"Yo, N," he said. "Do you want to be a ninja, like us?"

"Yes!"

"Well you can't! Ha, ha ha." And with that, he disappeared in a puff of smoke before scuttling out of the doorway.

He dropped back down from the ceiling when he saw the tears brimming in N's eyes. "Hey, I'm sorry, that was mean," he said. "Here, have a corn dog."

N spun the corn dog around and ate it from the opposite end, to avoid picking up any ninja germs. "Do you want to play basketball with me?" he asked.

"Hell no!" A second shadow triad jumped out of N's toy box. "Have you ever heard of ninjas playing basketball? That's just ridiculous."

The third and forth ninjas chose that moment to pop out of N's pants. "Are you dizzy, blud?" they asked in unison. "Everyone knows ninjas can't play sports."

N was bemused, but not surprised, at the sudden appearance of men in his trouser region. "Why were you in my pants?" he asked, although at this point he was far more interested in the corn dog than anything else.

"It's just so warm and comfy in there," the fourth ninja replied.

N completely blanked him. However, before the ninja could knock the offending foodstuff out of N's hands and demand his full attention, the others turned on him.

"Wasn't there only supposed to be three of us?"

"No, there was definitely four of us. I remember it distinctly. I'm totally not a spy sent to steal your most powerful basketball moves or anything."

"Hilbert, stop being such a dick," said N.

"But-"

"No, no butts. Not after the last time."


	3. Chapter 3

"I hate it when you use my real name," said the trainer formerly known as Hilbert.

"Well I'm not calling you Black. It's stupid. You're white, get over it."

N strutted along the rank assembled in his room, looking each of them up and down. They were a sorry bunch, but they would have to do.

"Ok, we're going to play basketball. Everyone get undressed."

N ignored the protests as he wrenched Black's shirt over his head. In contrast to the boy desperately trying to cover his humiliating chest hair problem, the shadow triad were entirely compliant with N's request. They had noticed a small snag, however.

"There's only five of us here. We'll have uneven teams. We need a sixth player."

"Did somebody say GHETSIS?"

He strode into the room boldly, wearing his pride like a robe and nothing else but a smile. His verdant hair streamed out behind him, like tendrils.

"Oh my God, dad! You're embarrassing me in front of my friends!"

"Nonsense, N," said Ghetsis amiably. "I was an excellent basketier back in my day. I could teach you strapping young lads a thing or two."

"Your day, what was that, like a hundred years ago?" said one of the ninjas. They sniggered like a pack of hyenas.

Ghetsis responded by snatching up the basketball on the floor and bouncing it off their heads. When he deemed them to be suitably concussed, he stopped.

"Let that be a lesson to you."

"Wow, that was amazing!" said Black.

"Why, thank you, little boy." Ghetsis turned around to face him, causing Black to screech and claw at his own eyeballs.

Unabashed, Ghetsis continued onwards. "I have some very important news for you all. I've been looking forwards to this since the day you were conceived," he said. He ruffled N's hair.

"That's really gross."

"Shut up while I'm talking, sweetie. Now, today is a very special day. Today is the day we win the annual Earth-Moon basketball tournament!"

"Gasp!" said a ninja. "I thought those were cancelled twenty years ago? Something about excessive deaths?"

"Yes, well, it will take a little time travel to get us there, nothing major."

"That's impossible!"

"Not," Ghetsis paused for effect, "with this." He pointed to his hair, where atop and to the sides three fins stood erect like nipples in a cold winter's breeze.

"Your hair?"

"Indeed. It distorts the space-time continuum. How else did you think I stay so youthful?"

"You are surprisingly wrinkle-free," said Black. Ghetsis blushed.

"Oh, you do flatter me so. Now everyone, grab your hair."

Each member of the impromptu basketball team anchored their fingers firmly in their own locks.

"And now, repeat after me.

"TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL TIME TRAVEL!"


End file.
